Emetophobia

by Patricia Donato

emetophobia is the clinical term for an extreme fear of vomit and vomiting. This phobia may be occur alongside other conditions, such as generalized anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder. While often misunderstood, emetophobia is not uncommon.

The windows in Heather’s basement were covered up by old boxes. No light made it through the cardboard, and it was dusk anyway. A late October Saturday night, with board games scattered across the grimey carpet, Heather’s black cat weaving around the girls and the dice and plastic cups of apple cider.

Only one cup remained full - Mia’s cup. She had seen Heather take it out of the refrigerator and break the seal, so it was fresh – but could it still be spoiled? The chance had seemed too low, and Mia had been able to take a cup before anyone else touched it, so it seemed clean enough. But then they went into the basement, and it smelled like mold and wet carpet and cat litter, and that was in the air, wasn’t it? Suddenly the apple cider tasted the way the air smelled, and it turned Mia’s stomach, so no more apple cider.

Then Heather had brought out the donuts. Mia’s hands weren’t clean, so she didn’t take one. She had washed her hands in the kitchen before taking the cider, but she couldn’t smell the soap on her hands anymore, and she had touched the dice with her right hand, so she would have to eat with her left hand. She couldn’t ask to wash her hands, because then everyone else would touch the donuts while she was gone, and their hands weren’t washed.

Heather ate two donuts, Sadie ate one, and Ella ate five.

“I’m going to throw up!” Ella laughed after the last one.

Mia couldn’t stop looking at Ella’s face to make sure she didn’t turn a sickish green. What would she do if Ella threw up? Ella would go into the bathroom, wouldn’t she? She wouldn’t throw up in the trash can by the door. What if she asked Mia to hold back her hair? No, she wouldn’t do that. But was Mia a bad friend for not holding her friend’s back hair while she threw up? Heather or Sadie could do that for Ella though. Ella knew she was scared of vomit - she wouldn’t do that to her.

But what if Mia had to throw up?

Heat crept up Mia’s throat, her shaking, sweaty fingers playing with her necklace. How long did it take to get to the bathroom upstairs? It was pretty far away, but she could probably make it if she ran. There wasn’t a night light, but Mia didn’t want to see the vomit in the toilet, so maybe she could just leave the light off. If she threw up right now, what would it taste like? Apple cider couldn’t taste too strong, right? What would it look like? It couldn’t have any substance to it – she hadn’t eaten in hours. But what if it did? If she did throw up, would she tell all of her friends, or just one of –

“Hey Mia!” Heather said. “It’s your turn!”

“I’m sorry!” Mia laughed. “I zoned out. What did I miss?”

c. 2021 patricia donato

published by cabbages and kings 2024